Day 45: 100 Days Challenge - Food-important or not?

This last week I have really found myself losing focus. As I have written in previous posts, chaos is the hardest thing for me to deal with. Between the bathroom remodel (which IS a good thing, but chaotic), our on again - off again internet connection, and the approach of Holy Week, I just feel things slipping way out of my control. I would do well to take control in the one area I can, but I am really struggling. I am going to have to do what I do with Flylady stuff. Focus on very small things. Today I am going to focus on today. I know that's what I should be doing all the time, but I get distracted very easily. For today I am going to focus on the things I CAN take charge of and kind of let the other stuff take care of itself. I know that when the bathroom is done, things will be much better. Not only will we have a terrific bathroom, but the other rooms can then be cleared out too.

I didn't workout today, but I am going to try and get something in later. Clay and Claire are coming this afternoon. They love to play outside. I can get some walking in then.

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Today's reading from 100 Days of Weight Loss is about the importance of food in our lives. Do we think about it constantly? Ms Spangle suggests setting aside specific times in the day when food is important.

How often during the day do I think about food? More than I should. I deliberately put off breakfast because I'm afraid once I start eating, I won't be able to stop. Lately I have been saying a short prayer along with grace "Please God, let this be enough." I often feel guilty because I know there are people in the world who won't have enough, so I often buy food for the St. Vincent de Paul cupboard at church. My overeating is not going to feed a hungry person, but perhaps setting aside funds to contribute to help someone else can help heal my issues with food.


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Day 44: Hundred Days Challenge - It's not the right time

I think it's time to start setting a limit on food. Because I am a compulsive eater, it is very hard for me to stay on track without some accountability with regard to amounts. I am going to use the points system to keep accountable - not because I think points have more magic than calories, but because they are easier to keep track of and encourage the eating of more fiber. I have acquired and electronic points calculator that is very cool.

I didn't get a workout in today. The first half of the day I was having a terrible pain in my knee, but it got better as the day went on. I had kids all day, but I still could have gotten a workout in outside playing with them. I am also finding myself stress eating. That needs to be addressed.

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From "100 Days of Weight Loss" is It's Not the right Time. We all know that one, don't we. It's why we always start diets on Monday, and we re-start every Monday all through the year until January 1 when we start all over. My inner brat keeps popping up - especially when I slip - insisting that I just let go and start again tomorrow. This is one of the biggest challenges I face.
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Days 40, 41, 42, 43: 100 Days Challenge

The internet is up and running for now. Today had all the makings of a very bad day. It started at 4:30 when I woke up and couldn't go back to sleep. So I thought, if I can't sleep maybe I can catch up on my blogs. But of course the internet was down - again!!!! I was so tired that my head hurt. I was planning to skip the workout since the treadmill room is full of junk because of the bathroom remodel. But then I decided that if this day was going to turn around, I had to turn it around. So I got on the treadmill. Enter Little Miss Madison. The day was getting better already. Her routine is to take a morning nap so I took one with her. I felt so much better after we woke up. The day improved dramatically from then on. By the time my little punkin went home, the internet was up again and I found an order from the website.

Food was challenging today, but I muddled through and am calling the day a success.

Day 40: 100 Days of Weight Loss - Having an Eating Experience. This chapter talks about enjoying the context of food. I would rename this, enjoying food as part of a Social experience. You may notice that I am losing my enthusiasm for this book, but I made a commitment so I will finish.

Day 41: 100 Days of Weight Loss - Motivation is a Choice. This is very good news, because if motivation is a choice, then it is within our control. We are proactive - not victims - not dependent on the mercurial whim of the Motivation Fairy.

Day 42: 100 Days of Weight Loss - Make it Matter. Remember why you're doing this. Write it down!

Day 43: 100 Days of Weight Loss - Choose to, not Have to. Exercise is used as an example. I choose to workout, not, I have to workout. I'll go one even better. I am blessed to be able to work out. Many people would love to be able to get out and do a brisk walk on a beautiful day.

Day 39: 100 Days Challenge - Flavor or Texture

I'm behind, I know. It's been a bit of a zoo here. Workouts are still taking place daily. Will catch up as soon as I can.

Just a quick update and then I'll be back. Harold and I went up town today to pick out some things for the bathroom remodel. We stopped to eat on the way home. I paid very close attention to inner promptings about how much to eat. I started lunch with a cup of clam chowder. I ordered a fish sandwich and fries. I ate all of the clam chowder, maybe 10 fries, and half the fish that was in the sandwich. I could actually feel the +1 level when I reached it. I stopped eating and that was it. Whoo hoo! Now I didn't care all that much for the fish, but I love french fries so this was a true non-scale victory!! Food has power? Nooooooooo, I got de powa!!!!!!!!

Today's reading from 100 Days of Weight Loss is about identifying what it is you enjoy about a certain food - flavor or texture? The author suggests that if crunch is what you want, something other than chips may give you that. I think for me it is a combination of flavor AND texture.

Day 38: 100 Day Challenge - Food as Power

Today is a strength training day so it's off to the living room.
Will update later.
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Okay, I did 13 minutes of strength training. The guys decided that today is remodel the bathroom day and they make me nervous. But I got some good upper arm lifting done.

Today's reading from "100 Days of Weight Loss" is Food as Power. It about how eating a huge amount of food may make us feel powerful. This chapter really doesn't speak to me all that much. When I eat too much food, I feel anything but powerful.

From the "Beck Diet Solution" book. Stay in control when eating out. This is a very practical topic and the best tools to combat overeating when eating out are planning, anticipating, and practicing. Plan what you'll eat. Anticipate any sabotaging thoughts which may try to creep in. Practice exercising your "resistance" muscle.

Day 37: 100 Days Challenge - I Love to Eat!

Today started out great! Melisa was subbing today and asked if I could watch Claire and then get Clay off the bus after school. I told her I was going out for a run but would be back by 7:30. My running route goes past their house. She said "if you're doing your cooldown on the way back, Claire could run with you. I'll have her ready." Claire is 3. Their house is 1/4 from ours. I stopped for her on the way home and we ran the last 1/4 mile together. She showed me some very interesting cool down stretches which mostly involved wiggling her butt. It was a hoot. She ran the whole way. She was quite thrilled that Cousin Cale saw her out running. She is definitely her Mommy's daughter.

I was watching Hoarders last night and one of the women said something quite interesting. When the counselor came into the filthy house, the woman said, "you are looking at my pain." That struck me as very profound. I wonder if that is why we overweight people feel so self-conscious and vulnerable. Our addiction (our pain) is on display for all to see. You can shut the door on a messy house, you can shower off the smell of cigarette smoke, but overweight is there 24 hours a day. People can see that there is something not quite right with our world. Not that other addictions aren't as painful or self-destructive because they most certainly are, but for some reason people still don't mind having fun at a fat person's expense.

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Today's reading from 100 Days of Weight loss is titled, "I love to eat!" Today Ms Spangle asks us to think about what it is we love about eating. Is it the taste, texture, how we feel? Why are we eating? If it isn't for hunger or appreciation of taste, then there is a problem. I know that I eat for the same reasons I used to smoke. I was a lot thinner when I smoked because I did that instead of eating. Whatever satisfaction smoking gave me - and I've never been able to pinpoint it - I replaced with food. I know that when I eat, I forget about problems for a while. But when they resurface (because I never dealt with them) they are bigger.

Today Dr. Beck talks about overcoming challenges and resisting food pushers. I like to think about challenges as "Biggest Loser" moments. I imagine there is a camera on me and that at the end of the challenge I am going to have to face Bob or Jillian - or this blog. Food pushers are not as much of a challenge for me anymore. All I have to say is that I'm diabetic and they leave me alone.
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Day 36: 100 Days Challenge - Slow Down Your Eating

I know I haven't updated yesterday yet.  I will later on.

I am at the point where I tend to fall off most programs or commitments that I make.  I had an absolutely terrible day food-wise yesterday.  It's like my inner brat heard me say that I was going to keep track of my intake and she threw a complete and utter hissy fit. It was a very scary thing.  And, reflective of my inner chaos, the house needs immediate attention.  I am going to clean the kitchen and head for my workout.  Today is a strength training day so it's a video.  Back later.

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I never got to my workout today.  I started in the kitchen and then decided to do a complete surface declutter.  It is amazing what that does for my spirit.  I took Deb's advice and gave myself a day off. My kitchen looks like something out of a House Beautiful magazine and my food has been in its place today.  Inner chaos affects outer chaos and vice versa.  The rest of the house is still a wreck, but I can walk in my nice clean kitchen and smile.  I even made a new lamp for the windowsill.

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Today's reading from 100 Days of Weight Loss is called "Slow Down Your Eating."
Continuing on from yesterday, Ms Spangle says we may become irritated with the "eating pause" because we still want the rest of our food. She suggests slowing down our eating. That makes sense to me because we don't just eat out of hunger, we also eat because we like the taste of food. But one slow bite can take the place of several fast bites and offer just as much satisfaction. These last two tools will take practice, especially if you are a compulsive eater who is used to shoveling in food to shut out bad feelings.

I am proud of myself that even though I skipped a day of working out, I did something to make myself feel terrific and it didn't involve food! Go me!

Day 35: 100 Days Challenge - The Eating Pause

Today is weigh-in day and the news is not good.  I'm up 2.2 pounds. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't bummed about it.  I would also be lying if I said I didn't know why. Food wise it was not a good week.  Oh, I stayed within the four meals, but that's about it.  But then, that was the commitment.  Anyway, even though it hasn't been 21 days of the four meal thing, I am going to move on to the next phase.  That is to write everything down - not limit it just yet, but write it down.  I am not going to let today's non-victory at the scale deter me. I think today's workout will be a fun one with the Wii Fit.

On a positive note, I have consistantly worked out every single day.  (Oy am I feeling it.)

Here's Breakfast:
Cafe latte
1/2 grapefruit
3 small eggs  (home grown, no less)
1/2 oz sunflower seed bread

This is going to be a tough week because everything in me rebels at having to keep track of food. But . . . it's really the only way to get a true picture of what's going on.  Off to the Wii.  Will update later.

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Today's reading from 100 Days of Weight Loss - The Eating Pause
Ms Spangle says that there is almost always a time when we pause in our eating. It is a natural occurance and we need to be aware that it happens, otherwise we might miss it. She says that this pause almost always occurs at the exact time when we've had enough to eat. Some people push their plates away, others pause and then resume eating - usually because it's there. Interesting.

Today Dr. Beck talks about identifying sabotaging thoughts. This is not quite as simple as it sounds. A sabotaging thought disguises its negativity in a coating of sweetness that sometimes - to be honest- we are all to willing to buy into. We need to be on our guard.

Day 34: 100 Days Challenge - Listen Accurately

Today started out great.  After putzing around, I finally did my workout.  I jogged over to Sam and Kelli's to pick up some coupons and then I went to the deadend and on home.  There was a time when I could run that whole way.  I have really backslid.  But I have nipped the backslide in the bud.  I was thinking as I ran, that it was just possible that I would not be able to run the whole way in the Syrup 5K - but you know what?  That's okay.  It's doing it that matters.  And who knows, now that it's getting warmer, I can get outside more and can build up my endurance again.  Either way, I'm doing that 5K.  I've told too many people, and more importantly, I have committed to myself to do it.

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Today's reading from "100 Days of Weight Loss" is about accurately gauging when you are full.  Ms Spangle says that listening to your brain (the 20 minute rule) is not the answer.  It's about how your stomach feels.  She advises to think of that stuffed feeling as uncomfortable (and it is) and to set a goal of never letting yourself feel that way again.

In the Beck Diet Solution, Dr. Beck talks about the "it's not fair" syndrome.  This one is really an inner brat issue.  We need to decide who's running the show, Little Mary Ann, or Big Mary who doesn't like living in a body that makes her uncomfortable. 

Day 33: 100 Days Challenge - The Fullness Scale

I did the Firm Total Sculpt video again.  Ouch.  I am still feeling the burn from the other day!  Yesterday was not a very good day and I am really glad I was able to contain my food to the four meals.  Yesterday, when Clay and Claire were here, we played with the Wii Fit Plus.  Claire is going to be a fitness freak. She loves carrots and celery and she loves games where you are moving around.  She's only 3.

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Today's reading from "100 Days of Weight Loss" is about knowing when you are full.  The hunger scale used negative numbers.  The fullness scale uses positive numbers.  Ms. Spangle goes into great detail describing the changes you feel in your abdomen when you are full.  I find this very valuable.  The hunger thing - I can tell when that's happening, but fullness is more elusive to me.  The scale goes like this:

0     Neutral, not hungry, not full
+1  Satisfied, comfortable, just right
+2   Too full, a little uncomfortable
+3   Stuffed, miserable

I am glad to say that I have not had the +3 feeling in a very long time.  It used to be a nightly occurrence.  The goal is to stop eating at a +1.  My difficulty will be in distinguishing between a +1 and a +2.  I need to work a bit on that.

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Today's topic from the "Beck Diet Solution" is about responding to sabotaging thoughts.  Yep, this is an area that I find very interesting because as I said in the beginning of the challenge, all action is preceded by thought.  There are times when we feel sorry for ourselves when we can't have what we want when we want it.  The response to sabotaging thoughts is "Oh, Well."  Dr. Beck translates this as, "I don't like this but I'm going to accept it and move on." 

Day 32: 100 Days Challenge - The Five Hour Rule

 I never got back to update yesterday's post with the readings of the day.  I will do that later today so be sure and check yesterday's post.  I have a staff meeting this morning so I'm up early.  Had planned to run outside, but it's still too cold so it's off to the treadmill I go.  I am feeling yesterday's Firm workout.  It's a great feeling.

Last night I had a bit of a setback with food.  After the choir rehearsal I came home and ate some chocolate eggs.  The discussion in my head went something like this:

Inner Brat:  I'm hungry!
Me: No you're not, you're stressed.
Inner Brat:  No, I'm hungry!
Me:  No, you're not.
Inner Brat:  I don't care, I'm going to have some of those yummy chocolate eggs.
Me: They may taste good now, but how are you going to feel afterwards?  You haven't done your 21 days on this four meal thing yet.
Inner Brat:  I don't care, I want those eggs.
Me:  Okay, I can see that I can't talk you out of this.  If you're gonna eat them, then savor them.  Don't just shovel the whole bag in your mouth.

Okay, so I ate the eggs - probably more than I needed to tame the chocolate urge.  Afterwards my inner brat started in.

Inner Brat:  Hey, you made homemade bread today. Why don't we have some?
Me: No
Inner Brat:  How about some yogurt?
Me: No!
Inner Brat:  But you already ruined your streak.  What difference does it make how much you ruined it by?
Me: No!
Inner Brat:  You're never gonna do this.  You're 58 years old.  Who cares what you look like?
Me:  It's not about vanity.  It's about quality of life.
Inner Brat: Whaaaaaaaaaaaa!
Me:  Quit your whining.  I said no!

So that was the end of that.  I need to be on my guard so that doesn't happen again.  I need to plan ahead.  Choir rehearsals are always a little stressful for me because it doesn't take much for me to lose my focus.  Our numbers are down this year, I won't be there for Easter Vigil.  I need to have a plan in place for when I come home from stressful meetings.  But I am proud of myself for doing what a normal person would do.  I indulged in a treat and then I put the bag away.  But I know I am at a slippery slope here and I need to be a little more vigilant.

Update for yesterday and today coming later.

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Well, the wireless connection quit working so I am typing this into a works document so I can paste it in when the connection is running again.  I am really beginning to hate electronics!  The day didn’t start off all that well to begin with.  We had a staff meeting today and I can’t seem to shake the feeling that I’m not very well liked there.  I really do not look forward to staff meeting. Got through that, came home and ate lunch, then headed up to Mt. P. to get a new adapter cord for the laptop.  It didn’t work, so back to the store it goes.  This time I will go to Staples, not Walmart, and I will take my laptop and old cord with me. 

Then I come here to update my blog and lose my wireless connection.  Bah!  I’m going to make some candles.

Day 32 from 100 Days of Weight Loss - the five-hour rule.  The rule is, do not go more than 5 hours without eating.  I’m assuming the means during the day.  Not a problem for me due to my blood sugar issues, but the theory is, the hungrier you let yourself get, the more you’ll eat.   Spangle recommends using a combination of hunger signals and your watch to manage your intake.

The “Beck Diet Solution” chapter for today is about the first weigh-in.  I have had a couple already, but basically you weigh-in and do an assessment.  I do this on Sundays.

Day 31: 100 Days Challenge - Hunger Scale

This morning's workout was a total blast. I haven't done the The Firm: Total Sculpt Plus Abs in ages.  I used to be able to do the whole thing.  This morning I made it through 30 minutes, but skipped the leg lifts which involved climbing on the fanny lifter.  What I did was enough for today.  I can't wait to see progress in this area.  After the workout, I rewarded myself with some Wii time.  I checked in with Biggest Loser, and Wii Fit Plus.

Breakfast today started with a whole grapefruit, not because I think it has any magical weight loss properties, but because I like it and it is very filling.  At Glen's they are running a special on General Mills cereals.  By 6 and get $10.00 off at checkout and a $6.00 coupon off your next milk purchase.  The register also spit out a $2.00 coupon off your next purchase of 5 General Mills cereals.  Harold is a Honey Nut Cheerio junkie so I bought the last 4 small boxes they had and I bought 2 boxes of Total.  This morning I had the Blueberry Pomegranite.  It was really good although a little sugary to me so when I shop tonight, I'm going to look for something else.

I found out that the Maple Syrup run will finish on the new track at Shepherd High School.  I really wish this track had been there when Melisa and Nicola were on the track team, but I'm glad that the students have it now.

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Today's reading from "100 Days of Weight Loss" deals with reading your hunger signals.  Not much new here.  I've learned about hunger scales before.  This one uses negative numbers to gauge hunger. 
0 is neutral
-1 is a little hungry
-2 is very hungry
-3 is starved - way too hungry.

The author advises responding to hunger at -1 and to eat within 20-30 minutes of experiencing it.

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From the Beck Diet Solution book - dealing with setbacks and slips.  The single most important advice here is to immediately get back on track.  I have always said, it isn't the slip ups that do us in - it's what we do afterwards that determines our ultimate success. 

Day 30: 100 Days Challenge-postpone Eating

Got up a little later today, but still got in 25 minutes on the treadmill. I'm ready to add some weight training.  I have osteopenia, so weight training is important.  I wanted to have the daily cardio firmly established before adding in the weights.  Tomorrow I can sleep a little later (but not too late because then I'm not as productive) and I think I am going to do one of my favorite Firm video - Total Sculpt plus abs.  I usually leave the abs part off, but I think I may do the entire video tomorrow.  I love the Firm videos because they incorporate weights and cardio.

I sent my registration and money in for the Maple Syrup 5k.  Go me!

I stopped at the grocery store tonight and picked up some produce.  I have been doing pretty well with limiting food to four meals a day, but I think I'm ready to start making some healthier choices.  My 3:00 pm meal is going to be yogurt.  I buy Dannon Light and Fit, but I add 1/8 cup of drained full fat yogurt to give it some staying power.  I am also adding a daily citrus fruit to breakfast.  I am still not forbidding any foods.  To do that is to give them too much power.

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Today's reading from "100 Days of Weight Loss" is called "Postpone Eating."  This is a technique you can use at parties or restaurants.  At parties you are advised to look around to see what food is there.  Have what you want, but delay eating it until toward the end of the party.  When we have a family gathering, there is always a lot of good food.  There are also a lot of tempting appetizers.  I can't count the times that I ate far to much of the appetizers and when it was time for dinner, nothing tasted good because I had already filled up on the snacks.  My plan is to just avoid the snack bar at the next family get together.

My husband and I love Mexican and Italian food.  At Mexican restaurants they always bring out the nachos and salsa.  At Italian restaurants its the Italian bread and herbed olive oil dip.  It's very easy to get caught up in those things and have no room (or appreciation) for the main course.  Ms. Spangle suggests having those nachos or bread - but as part of your meal; not as a "meal" before the meal.

From the "Beck Diet Solution" book, we are advised to stop fooling ourselves.  I would put it more strongly - stop lying to ourselves.  Stop making excuses for the unplanned eating.  When it comes to what we put in our mouths, the buck stops with us.  Other people may not be supportive, or may try to pressure us to eat when we shouldn't, but unless someone jabs an intravenous feeding tube into our arms and ties us down the decision to eat is ours. 

In the "Never Say Diet" book, I am at the chapter where Chantel Hobbs starts listing the five decisions she made that have guided her through her weight loss and beyond.  The first is "Make the decision to stop letting life pass you by."  We all know what that's about.  When I lose weight I will ______________.  In my younger years I was an avid runner.  I never entered a race because I was waiting until I was thin.  Ironically, when I look at pictures of myself from back then, I WAS thin - at least compared to now.   Three years ago I made a decision to enter a road race.  I signed up 3 months before planning to lose at least 30 pounds before the race.  I didn't lose the weight.  In fact, I think I may have gained some.  As the time of the race approached, I had pretty much talked myself out of entering.  I had quit training a month into the commitment.  But I thought about how I would feel if I didn't enter.  I had told several people I was going to do it.  I decided the pain of knowing I was a quitter would be worse than any embarrassment I might feel about my weight.  I ran that race.  I ran the entire 3 miles.  I was the last runner in followed by some ladies who were walking the course.  When I finished that 5K I felt like a million bucks.  I was so glad that I hadn't quit.

So, tomorrow starts the weight training, and from now on the cardio will be outside on the running route unless the weather forbids it.

Day 29: 100 Days Challenge - Handheld Foods

A new month.  What is it about beginnings that get us excited?  What is magical about January 1, or Mondays?  How did we develop the mindset that we can't begin to change on any day other than the first of the year?  I have to laugh because I purposely started this journey on a Monday on the first day of the month.  I think January 1 or Mondays are part of the "perfectionism" mindset that we all face.  All of us have perfectionist tendencies about something whether it be cleaning or dieting.  I've mentioned Flylady before and she is a big proponent of getting rid of that perfectionist thinking.  Thanks to her, I have made a lot of progress in that area.  It's as if I needed someone in authority telling me that "progress, not perfection" was a worthy goal.  As I look over February and what I've achieved, I am happy.  In the past I wouldn't have been.  I wouldn't have thought I accomplished enough.  And we can see where that got me.  So let's look over February and see where I stand.

1.  I have developed the habit of exercising every day.  I only missed one day in February and that wasn't intentional.

2.  I am becoming comfortable with eating at only 4 specified times.

3.  I have been accountable every single day.

4. I have lost my first 5 pounds.

5.  I am feeling good about myself.

6.  I have committed to a 5K in 2 months.

The first 5k that I ran, I was actually 10 pounds less than I am now.  I remember that I almost chickened out of the race because I hadn't lost any weight and I worried about what people would think.  You know what?  Everyone was very encouraging.  Students from the school where I worked cheered me on. About 2 months ago, a friend on Facebook told me that I had inspired her.  Think of that!  I didn't even know that I had inspired someone.  And what about what people would think?  I know what I think when I see an overweight person running on the road as I am driving by.  If I can catch his or her eye, I give a big thumbs up.  I find them inspiring!  I picture what they'll look like months from now if they stay the course. And then I recommit to my own goals.  I think this is the attraction of the Biggest Loser.  But I don't like the way the contestants lose the weight.  I would much rather follow them for a longer season and see into their minds, read their thoughts, and see them lose at a healthier pace.  That would have more relevance to my life.  There is no way on earth I could exercise for 6 plus hours a day, even if I wanted to.

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Today's reading from "100 Days of Weight Loss" is titled Handheld Foods.  This kind of ties in with mindless eating.  It's easy to grab a handful of food and then another without really thinking about it.  Ms. Splangle suggests putting your portion of a handheld food in a serving size bowl rather than eating from the big bowl.  That's kind of a "duh."  At least it is for me.  I rarely eat from the bag or a serving bowl because I have learned that I can empty both before I realize what I'm doing.

The "Beck Diet Solution" book talks about changing your definition of full. What comes to mind when you think about being full?  Is it that sensation that you have had just enough, could eat a little more, but choose not to?  Or is it that feeling you get on Thanksgiving when you have shoveled in enough to feed a third world family for a week.  When you are so uncomfortable that all you can do is just veg out until you can breathe again?  There is full, and there is overfull.  Remember, eating it to keep it from being wasted is to, in fact, waste it.