Onward and downward!

The scale continues to move in the right direction and I am feeling really good. I don't know if I mentioned this. I probably did and forgot. I am participating in 2 weight loss challenges. One of them is Biggest Loser Blog Edition and I am on Team Angie. The first 3 weeks I managed to gain. I felt like such a failure. Then I got the "pre-diabetes" news from the doctor and that turned things around. I got back on track, but in the meantime I had gained about 7 or 8 pounds so the last 2 weigh-ins showed a loss, but I still had a net gain. I am pretty confident that next week I will show a net loss. I no longer feel like a fraud because I AM DOING IT!

I am currently reading a book called "Confessions of a Carb Queen." It's written by a woman who was addicted to food. It's a bit of a departure from what I usually read - The Elm Creek Quilt series, and it is a little more explicit on other things than I am confortable with so I won't be recommending it to family members. But it does give a lot of insight into the mind of someone who is addicted to food. As I'm reading it and she describes her binges I want to shout, "so stop already." But even as I'm thinking that, I see myself. I never consumed the quantities that she did although I'm sure in time I could have gotten there. Before the "diagnosis" I felt totally out of control. I was good for most of the day, but evenings did me in. Listen to me. I'm talking as if I am cured. I'm not. I am one bite of sugar away from going back my old habits. But I feel different this time. I feel like I did when I quit smoking. It was hard at first but I am pretty sure that I would never go back to it. But I won't test it by taking even one puff.

The thing is that there is a distinct line between smoking and not smoking. When a smoker decides to quit, it's done. You don't pick up another cigarette - period. But with food, the line is more blurry. So there needs to be a clear definition of those foods I will eat, and those foods I won't. And I don't need to apologize for not eating something. (Not that I ever should have had to.) But if you tell someone you aren't eating that beautiful cake they made just for you because you are trying to lose weight - well, they oftentimes will move heaven and earth to make sure you have just one bite. But tell them you are diabetic - they back right off. Why, that's a matter of life and death! For some people, so is losing weight, but there you are. They might be offended if you put your looks ahead of their beautiful cake, but they don't seem to mind if THE DOCTOR has said "no cake." Go figure. I think most people mean well and are really trying to be nice. They just don't get it.

Brrrrrrrr - Winter, your mommy is calling you home!

I woke up this morning to a freezing house. Our furnace went out sometime yesterday. It wasn't very hard to get on the treadmill this morning. I had to in order to warm up!! Things are still going very well on the lowcarb front. The almond crusted cheesecake I made yesterday turned out wonderful. Almonds on the bottom, almonds on the top. Yummm! And almonds are good for lowering cholesterol.

I am so pumped. I know I'm going to get there this time! The shift from vanity to health has made all the difference for me. I may be able to lie to myself about how I look, but when I go for my labwork, the numbers don't lie. My plan is to totally blow away the CNP the next time I go in - which will be in May.

Daily stats:
Type: Treadmill
Route: Manual controls
Time: 31
Average heart rate: 120
Max heart rate: 152
Calories burned: 227
Down 3.8 pounds from last Monday
Got on the treadmill at 10:45 - way too late
Temp: 26 degrees

Slow and steady wins the race

I didn't have much luck getting a pic. I need to practice doing that more, but the scale says that
today I am 232.4 - that's down 1.6 from last Sunday

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I use the Diet Power program to keep track of things. When you weigh in, it averages your weights over a certain period of time and then gives you a projection based on that data. For the last 2 months it has projected a gain for me. Today - whooopeeeeee!!!! - it has decided that I am serious about this and is projecting a loss.
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So far it hasn't been very hard to stay on track. It makes a difference when you are focused. And I am focused. I received a box of heart truffles for my birthday. I took those to school the day I subbed. I bought the Hubster a box of chocolate covered cherries for Valentine's day. They haven't bothered me at all. Today I am making almond crusted pork loins for the family dinner. I also made an almond crusted sugar free cheesecake. Oh, how I suffer!

I'm off to hit the treadmill and listen to all the wonderful news about our economy. On second thought, I think I'll pop in last week's BIGGEST LOSER video instead. :)

Daily stats:
Type: Treadmill
Route: Manual controls
Time:22
Average heart rate: 115
Max heart rate: 137
Calories burned: 153
Down 1.6 pounds from last Sunday
Got on the treadmill at 9:30
Temp: 15 degrees

Happy Valentine's Day!

I never made it here yesterday. I don't have a whole lot to report. I normally have a day off from exercise on Friday's (this is optional) so I just did some Wii Fit stuff. I was a sub at my old job yesterday so the day was structured differently. Harold and I went out to eat last night. My first big test. We went to La Senorita - my favorite place to go. But last night I didn't get burritos or nachos or the combo plate. I ordered steak fajitas. It was a lowcarber's dream. After giving Harold the beans and rice, and after ignoring the tortillas in the little plastic warmer, I set about making a kind of hot salad. On one plate were sizzling beef, peppers, and onions. On another plate were shredded cheese, sour cream, and guacamole. All-in-all, it was totally great. However, eating out so much the last week has taken its toll and I know that I am holding water. I can feel it in my hands. So the next 2 days are going to be really "clean" days. And even with that, I am 2 pounds less than I was last Saturday.
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I am debating whether go outside for a run/walk (actually a walk/run) The temp isn't bad and the wind is low. By the time I get my workout gear on, I will have decided. Updates later.

Daily stats:
Type: Walk/run
Route: Outide - varied
Time: 30
Average heart rate: 121
Max heart rate: 141
Calories burned: 351
Down 2 pounds from last Saturday
Got out on the road at 11:00 - way too late in the day
Temp: 24 degrees

I ended up going outside because when I do that I always pray the rosary while I'm running - and I promised a friend I would add her to my prayer list. It's also when I pray for my kids, grandkids, spouse, family etc.

I ended up only going down half the deadened. I had figured the ground would be solid, but I forgot to figure that the frozen ruts would be slippery underneath the snow. It was great to get out. I had to wear sunglasses because of the snow glare, but it feels so wonderful to be outside after a long winter of subzero temps.

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Happy Birthday Abe and Me

This morning Tillie greeted me with a party hat and confetti. As I wrote on my other blog, I really don't feel like I'm 57 - except in the morning or when I forget stuff or when I've been sitting a while and everything is stiff or when I look in the mirror. LOL! Other than that, I don't feel a whole lot older.

Daily stats:
Type: Treadmill
Route: workout room
Time: 30 minutes
Average heart rate: 119
Max heart rate: 142
Calories burned: 230
Down 2.2 pounds from last Thursday
Got on the treadmill at 9:00
Temp: 33 degrees

I did some yoga after the treadmill and broke my record on the tree pose. I'm still pretty unsteady though.

I'm still on program. A friend is taking me out to lunch at a Mexican restaurant so it will probably be Taco salad for lunch.

Gettin' in the groove

Well, this is day 6, I think, of being back on Atkins. It hasn't been bad at all. Tillie says I'm 49 today and that I am progressing nicely toward my goal. I'm in ketosis which makes everything much easier. I baked chocolate chip cookies yesterday. Wasn't tempted - didn't bother me. What did bother me was being presented with an early birthday gift of a 3 pound bag of M&Ms and a big box of microwave popcorn. To be fair, the person who gave them to me probably thought I would really enjoy them. And I would have - last week. In the future I will probably be able to handle them in small amounts, but right now they are both on my pooh pooh list.

On Biggest Loser last night, Blaine (I think it was Blaine - the one with the new baby) was sent home. It's strange to see the group dynamics each season. Last season I would have charactarized it as Bullies vs. Nice guys. This season they all seem to be emotionally bonded - except for Joelle who is STILL impacting the group even in absencia. Aubrey is really getting on my nerves. Last night her sister Mandi, won a challenge that allowed her to spend 24 hours with her family. Even with that distraction, she lost 6 pounds. But Aubrey, instead of being happy for her sister, was whiney and self-pitying - didn't workout as hard, and it showed on the scale. She talks a good game but she's not all that different from Joelle - well, she's not spacey like Joelle but she is becoming just as annoying. Tara is still my vote for the one who will take it all - barring game play.
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Well, I'm off to workout and watch the first half hour of last night's show.

Daily stats:
Type: Treadmill with weights
Route: workout room
Time: 31 minutes
Average heart rate:121
Max heart rate: 157 (I think - grrrr, my HRM hinked up on me)
Calories burned:227
Down 4 pounds from last Wednesday
Got on the treadmll at 11:54 (gotta get goin' earlier)
Temp: 44 degrees

Update:
Okay, I saw the first part of the show where Aubrey and others threw the challenge for Mandi. I owe Aubrey an apology - but she still whined.

I need to get going on the workout earlier in the day. When I procrastinate, there is a better chance that the workout isn't going to happen.
Now I'm gonna go do some Yoga for stretching.

Tillie is my friend!

It is absolutely gorgeous outside, but I will not be going out because the road is a mucky muddy mess. I will be on the treadmill this morning. I always do my Wii Fit body test in the morning. Today it says I am 33. Tillie, as I have named my balance board, says that I reached my weight goal so I had to set another one. Whoo hoo!

I had some bad moments last night, and had some not great news this week, but I stayed on track. I don't understand the insanity that sets in sometimes. Somewhere, early in life, I learned that stuffing my face would make things better. It never did, except for that few minutes of relief which are definitely not worth the years of guilt and shame.

Daily stats:
Type: Walk/Run
Route: Corner/Brown's/Back
Time: 30 mine
Average heart rate: 126
Max heart rate: 140
Calories burned:249

Tillie: (Wii Fit)
Yoga: 10 minutes - Side stretch, tree pose, sun salutation, palm tree
Rank: Yoga trainer (whoo hoo)
BMI: 38.86

Various fun balance games

Update:
I ended up going outside after all because it is just so gorgeous! Our road wasn't too bad, but I only went up half of the dead end because it was really sloggy. My heart rate still goes high very fast when I jog so I have to keep to a fast walk. My goal now is to eventually be able to run and keep my heart rate in the 121-136 zone.

Dodging the bullet

Went to the doctor today. It went pretty much as I expected. I go back in 3 months to be re-evaluated. I am going to do Atkins in that 3 months - no straying, carbs under 60 grams. She also recommended daily exercise which is not a huge lifestyle change for me.

Today is a strength training day so it will be done with the Wii Fit. If I hadn't had the dr. appt. I would have walked my route with weights.

Oh what a beautiful morning!

Ketosis has kicked in and I am headed out the door for my workout! It's a tropical 30 degrees out! Whoo hoo!!! See me run - well, maybe not run, but I will be movin' fast.

Daily stats:
Type: Walk/run
Route: Deadend and back
Time: 30 min
Average heart rate: 122
Max heart rate: 135
Calories burned: 235
It was a fantastic workout. More later
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It was sooooooo great to get outside. But I found out just how out of shape I have let myself get over the last few months. I didn't run much. I try to keep my heart rate average around 121. It didn't take much to get into the 130s. Guess I have some work to do. Running (or walking) on a country road is more enjoyable for me than going to the gym or aerobics classes.

This week's scale pic:

Finally things are moving in the right direction.

Tune in later to see a video of Claire doing the Wii running game.
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Sorry, I couldn't get the video to upload.

Staying the course

The Wii said I am 55 today. Yesterday I was 33. Hmmmmm.
As of the other day I went back to Atkins/Atkins maintenance because of my issues with blood sugar. It's what I always knew I needed to do, but was in denial about. The difference now is that there is no arguing about limits. No more of this "well I cheated a little, might as well go whole hog" kind of thing. It's not about numbers on the scale anymore. This may sound strange, but in a way it's kind of freeing. The constant arguments with myself about not letting a bite turn into a binge - well, they've kind of been co-opted by health issues. I can no longer justify a "last supper" event every time I slip up. Yes, it's a freeing kind of thing.

For example, last night we went to Melisa's where she set up a "nacho" bar. I took along a lowcarb tortilla and a bottle of diet root beer. I was able to load up my tortilla with beef, lettuce, cheese, sour cream etc. I even crumbled one nacho chip in it to give it some crunch. When you know the answer is going to be a resounding "no", it's easy to just not start the inner dialogue.

This way of life will never be a snap for me because this isn't just about blood sugar. It's also about compulsive eating, but I think one thing feeds off of the other. If I can get a handle on one, the other may also fall in line.

And by the way, I never did eat the lowarb tortilla. It was just the "vehicle" for the other stuff.

I love Thursdays - unless it's staff meeting day.

I got up early and did a 30 minute stint on the Wii. I would have preferred to use the treadmill, but I thought DH was going to use it. Most mornings it wouldn't matter because I can just wait until he's done, but today I had a staff meeting. That's okay. I'm just glad I did something. :) It is supposed to warm up this weekend and I am hoping to get outside for my cardio.

First take the log out of your own eye

I woke up this morning feeling great. I had an okay day with food yesterday. I am working very hard to put it where it belongs in my life - as a means of fueling my body not relieving stress or discomfort. Since my sugar numbers are higher than they should be, I will be watching the quantity and the quality of the carbs I eat. Yesterday I made Maple Oat Bread. I don't have to give that up. I can have half a slice in the morning and since it is so dense, a half slice is enough.

In "OO" I wrote yesterday that the chapter I'm in focuses on self-acceptance. So, I will be looking for a full length mirror. The exercise has you look at yourself in the mirror and describe what you see, but only in a non-judgemental way. In other words, you don't look in the mirror and say, "I'm fat." You make observations. "My legs are narrow, my stomach goes out here," etc. The minute negative or judgemental thoughts enter your mind, you are done with the exercise for that day. The idea is that we see our faces all the time, so we pretty much accept our faces. Makes sense to me.
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Okay, so on Biggest Loser last night. I kind of felt bad for Joelle. She really is in denial. But as I look at her, particularly her eyes, I wonder if there is something else going on - if there isn't - how do I put this? Okay, in biology we studied the effects of alchoholic mothers on their babies. There is a distinctive look to the babies' eyes. Joelle's eyes look like that. I could be all wrong, but there is just something off about her. She seemed much more coherent at the very end of the show where they show what the kicked off contestants look like now. She didn't seem nearly as spacey. I feel bad that the friendship between she and Carla is non-existent at the moment. I really hope that changes, but at this point, Carla needs to take care of herself.

Now let's talk about Aubry. (Here's where the title of this post kicks in.) I really don't see where she got off lighting into Joelle the way she did. Aubrey lost 2 pounds in 30 days - and insisted that she spent 4-5 hours working out. I'm sorry, but if she's going to accuse Joelle of lying then she needs to look at herself. I really don't think Aubrey was being honest in her conversation with Jillian. Yes, the woman has 5 children. I can see how that is a challenge to staying with the program - but be honest about it. She's going to have to find a way to take care of herself in the real world.
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On the Wii front:
Little Claire loves to run with the Wii. The first thing she says when she comes over is "Wii Fit, Gramma?"



Daily stats: (to be updated)
Type: Wii FIT
Route: Yoga and strength training
Time: 27 minutes
Average heart rate: 89
Max heart rate: 115
Calories burned:117

I'm not hiding anymore!

Today is a cardio day so I will be getting on the treadmill in a bit. I read some more in the book "Overcoming Overeating" and the more I get into it the more I like it. It traces most overeating to an effort to maintain a balance in emotions. Somewhere along the line, compulsive overeaters lose touch with the ability to calm themselves. When they feel uncomfortable, or when they feel as if life is spinning out of control, they use food as a means of disconnecting for a bit - to calm themselves. As a result, the underlying feelings are never addressed - they either escalate or they resolve themselves by the passage of time. But the effects of trying to deal with these feelings by reaching for food remain. And in remaining, add to the imbalance in emotions which in turn leads one to reach for food in an effort to restore the balance and to calm oneself - and the whole cycle begins again. This isn't exactly how the authors put it, but it's how I'm reading it and it makes sense to me.

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Daily stats:
Type: Wii Fit yoga and balance
Route: Living room
Time:30 min
Average heart rate: 85
Max heart rate: 104
Calories burned:131

Daily stats:
Type: Treadmill
Route: Workout room
Time: 30 min
Average heart rate: 120
Max heart rate: 140
Calories burned: 226

I need to remember to eat something before I start working out. I've worked out on an empty stomach for years, but I need to change that.

I broke a couple of records, surpassed some of my own, and tried some new yoga poses. Apparently I am a Yoga Master when it comes to the Downward Dog.

The scale was way up this morning and I'm not really sure why (except that Wii said I was actually down a little).

In "Overcoming Overeating" (which will now be referred to as "OO" ) it says that we spend a lot of time beating ourselves up about our weight. We diet in an effort to "punish" ourselves and then our rational selves rebel. The chapter I'm on now is focusing on loving ourselves exactly the way we are - as if we would never change. We are to invest in a full length mirror and look in it every day. We are to stop negative thoughts in their tracks. We are not to speak to ourselves in a way that we wouldn't speak to others.

Example: I had a victory last night. A week ago I wouldn't have viewed it as such. I have been trying to stay under 1600 calories. I was doing well with that yesterday. About 9:00 I was hungry. Actually hungry - not something I allow myself to experience very often. I asked myself what I wanted. I chose a cup of ice cream. I knew that it would put me over my 1600 for the day, but I also knew I was going to be eating something. In the past I would have worked my way through all of the "healthy" choices and in the end would still have eaten the ice cream. And then having "cheated" I would let it become a full blown binge because today wasn't perfect and tomorrow will be perfect. But I didn't do that. I ate the ice cream and stopped there. No guilt, no stress. Come on, do normal weight people spend a lot of time feeling guilty about what they eat? I know they give lip service to it at the time of the indulgence, but they don't then go on the eat everything in sight because perfection wasn't achieved on a single day - and then continue it for days on end. Good grief! I am sick of punishing myself - with diets, with restrictions, with self- loathing. But I am also smart enough to know that these mental habits have been in place for a long time and it's going to take some work to reprogram my attitude.

Anyway, those are my thoughts for the day. Oh, and in the interest of loving myself right where I am, I'm posting my scale results for the day. That's right - I'm doing something I said I would never do. It takes a lot of courage for me to do it, but as Melisa says, "It's not like we can't see you." I'm sure that no one around me is under the impression that I weigh 150 pounds. Anyway, this is my highest weight ever. From here it goes down. I am sick of hiding, I am sick of putting my life on hold, I am sick of obsessing over what other people think - especially since my thoughts about myself aren't any kinder. After today, my "scale" pic will be posted on Sunday because that is my official weigh-in day.



There it is - deal with it, because I certainly intend to!
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Update:
I just got a call from the doctor's office. Apparently my numbers are in the pre-diabetic range. That really doesn't surprise me given my recent lack of control around sweets. I've been in the hypoglycemic range, which is a precursor, for many years. It's no longer about vanity. It's about health. (I know, it's always supposed to have been about health.) This is my wake-up call. I really do not want to become a diabetic so things are definitely going to have to change. A tiny taste can no longer turn into a binge. Even though I'm not happy about the numbers, this may be the motivation I need to get done what needs to get done.

I love my Wii !!!!!!!!

Daily stats:
Type: Wii FIT
Route: Yoga and strength training
Time: 27 minutes
Average heart rate: 89
Max heart rate: 115
Calories burned:117

Daily stats:
Type: Wii Fit
Route: aerobics
Time: 31 minutes
Average heart rate: 121
Max heart rate: 146
Calories burned:292

Got my workout for the day under my belt. Mondays are strength training days. Feels great to get the workout in and not have to obsess over it. I'm still reading the "Overcoming" book. I'll read a little more later. I've decided to reward myself on good days with some of the Wii Balance games.