Wednesday

Blah, Blah, Blah

I am so tired of dealing with this whole eating issue. I can't seem to stick to anything. Right now I am experimenting with "Intuitive Eating." The book is coming (I love Amazon used books!). I know that for me the issue isn't diet. It's why I eat. I know that a lot of my eating patterns were developed in childhood. When I was 12, my mother died - and eating is how I coped. But that default coping mechanism was in place before my mother died. In my young adult years, I dealt with the whole thing by smoking. Since I quit in 2000, I have been in a free-fall with this eating disorder. Everyone has problems, but people who have issues with food get to "wear" it and everyone can see. And everyone makes judgements. And everyone thinks they know what your problem is. And everyone judges your success in life by your size. And they do treat you differently.

Right now I am in a holding pattern with my weight. But I also have several mental issues going on. At my age, even if I were to lose the weight, I would have so much sagging skin. But that can be dealt with (and covered up.) When I look in the mirror, I am always surprised to see an aging fat woman. It's not how I see myself. I tend to be stuck thinking I am in my 40s and slightly overweight. But still and all, of all the crosses I could be bearing in life, I guess I would take this one.

5 comments:

  1. Awww Sweety.......What do i say to you to make you feel better.???.........I wish i knew some magic words.
    I can ask you do you love your life? Think about it......Your kids, grand kids, your businesss, husband, your traveling? Do you want this to go on for as long as possible? Do you want to be actively involved in this life for as long as your able? Then you have to do something to preserve that. Or your gonna lose it. Do you want to sit idly by and let it happen? I don't think you do girl. I know I don't. I realize thats a little 'tough love' coming from mwah. And i hope you will allow it from me. Eating and exercising is a struggle for me EVERY single day. Fighting temptations never goes away. But i want this healthier life a little more than that banana split( on my blog)Just a barely a little more but thats all it takes. I KNOW theres a strength in you, you haven't tapped into yet.
    And as far as the sagging skin.......girl i got it. I hate it.....but i wear it as a sign of victory. I see it as my pennance for all that i've done to this body. As a reminder of where i've been and where i don't want to go back. It really is a small price to pay. So dust yourself off girly and get your little fanny out the front door for a walk! LOve ya Jinx!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Jinx, I love you too. Thanks for the tough love. I didn't mean to come off as depressed. I actually DO love my life. A lot of my issues are probably hormonal due to post menopause, but I am actually more contented than I have been in a long time. My kids have all settled fairly close by (the furthest is only an hour away) and I get t see my grandkids much more than most grandparents. I have more time to do the things I love and more time to do the things that need to be done. That's why I'm so frustrated at myself that I can't get this area in sync - but I'm not a quitter and I know this will turn around. It always does.
    Thanks, Deb, I really appreciate the comment. Oh, and blogger has fixed whatever kept me from responding to comments. Whoo hoo!

    ReplyDelete
  3. I so know where you are coming from. But Jinx is right. Every time you are tempted you need to ask yourself if it is really worth it. This is something we all struggle with. But remember, "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me". You are a woman of faith. Use that faith to help you. When you are facing temptations, or just get tired with it all, take it to God. He is waiting for you to ask for His help. Prayer can help overcome many temptations and frustrations. Believe me, I know.
    When I look in the mirror, I wonder why my mother is looking back at me. I love my Mom, but I don't want to be her. Fat and old? Well, we can't do anything about the old, but I refuse to be a 'fat old woman'!!
    (Oh, and slow weight loss and exercise will take care of a lot of that loose skin. The rest, well covering up is good)

    ReplyDelete
  4. I'm sorry you're struggling. I can understand the eating disorder. I've been an emotional eater for quite some time now. It's not an easy to change that ... but it can be done. It helped me to go to the healthier, "free" foods when emotions are high. I hope you find healing for this battle!
    I posted a contest to my "Losing My Body Fat" blog today & hope that you'll join.

    ReplyDelete