Sunday, June 6, 2010

It's really hard for me to believe I haven't blogged here in a week.  Our internet service has been very unreliable and it seemed that every time I was ready to post something, we were down.  I put the "phone as modem" service back on for the time being.  It's been a very frustrating three months.  Yesterday we were up and running at lightning speed, but it didn't last.  Hopefully it will be fixed some time this year.

I've been out a couple times this week, but we've had a lot of rain.  The treadmill just doesn't seem to lend itself to deep thought, but it keeps the gears oiled, so to speak.

Lately I've found myself having to come to terms with the fact that I am now an "old lady."  When did that happen?  When did exercise change from a "vanity" thing to a "survival" thing?  It sounds so cliche when older people (of which I am now one) say, "it seems like only yesterday."  The fact is cliches have their roots in truth.  That's how they become cliches.

Now that I am pushing 60 (sheesh, I still can't fathom that) I find myself thinking, "who cares?"  Well, my grandkids do.  For some reason they find me cool.  But I can't do this for anyone else.  I have to do it for me, and I have to find a way to convince myself that it is worth the effort.  I didn't get on the treadmill today because I wanted to blog instead.  But that's an excuse.  I have all day to blog.

Once I'm out on the road, all is good, but it's the getting there.  Why is that so hard?  I find that transitions ARE hard for me, whether it's changing bosses, or just coming in the door after a long day.  I don't do well with transitions so I try to speed through them.  But in my dotage I am finding that transitions are often more important than they would appear.  One day we're changing the diapers of our babies and the next day we're changing the diapers of our babies' baby.  It happens in the blink of an eye and we don't see it coming and we don't see it going.  I think the key is to be present in those transitions.  Pay attention to what is going on, because it is there that life takes us in new directions. And if we're not paying attention, we wake up one day and find that we are suddenly 58, not 38, and we have no idea how we got here.  One day at a time we have told ourselves, "tomorrow, tomorrow is the day I take charge of my life. Tomorrow I will start that diet.  Tomorrow I will start exercising."  Sad fact is, the change takes place today - not tomorrow.  If you're waiting for tomorrow to make a change in your life, you will soon find that life has changed you. 

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