I've been on a slippery slope the last couple of days. My focus is slipping - part of it is due to the trip coming up. I don't do well with spontaneity and the unexpected. When I was working at the school, I had an established routine. Now that Harold and I are both around the house more, I am still having trouble adjusting. I like to have a morning routine. I get up, I blog, I workout, then I get on with my day. Now I often find Harold on the computer when I get up and there's nothing wrong with that, but it throws me off. I see the same tendencies in my grandson. We both need to learn to be more flexible.
The state of the world is also affecting my focus. And not only that, it's in my face 24/7. It's there when I turn on the radio, it's there when I turn on the TV, it's there when I open my email. If I refuse to think about it 24/7 and if I refuse to wallow in misery, I am accused of sticking my head in the sand. I am such a wimp when it comes to defending myself. I have to get angry before I will do anything and I refuse to live my life in a state of anger. I don't feel as if there are many people I can trust. Recently I had an incident where something I confided to a friend was brought up and thrown in my face to prove a point. That was, to me, the ultimate betrayal and you can bet it won't be happening again. I don't like games, and I don't like constant drama. I have never named names when it comes to people in my life who are causing me grief, so if you are reading this and think I am referring to you, then maybe you need to ask yourself why it is striking a chord with you. I will not - I repeat - WILL NOT censor my blog anymore. I am tired of second guessing myself with regard to what I write. This is MY blog.
As they say in OA - my recovery has to be my top priority because without it, I am useless in serving others. I struggle with this because I don't put myself first easily, and I have been conditioned to feel as if putting myself first is selfish. But I can't be there for others if I don't take care of me. That doesn't mean I concentrate only on myself and my needs - it means I do what I need to do so that I can offer my best to others.
Recently our bishop spoke at one of our Lenten soup suppers. The theme was social justice. He said something to the effect that we need to be good stewards of our time, to make sure we take care of our needs and the needs of our families so that we are there to help others. I took this to mean that we do what needs to be done. Others who heard it interpreted it to mean that we take care of ourselves to the exclusion of other people. I found that interesting. Given the bishop we have, or rather had (he's been named Archbishop and will soon be leaving us), I don't know how anyone could have misconstrued what he said.
Anyway, enough of that. I needed to vent and I've been suppressing that for several weeks. No more!
I am off to go for a walk on this blessedly chilly morning.
Later.
***********************************************
Daily stats:
Workout type: walk/jog
Route: Deadend/Brown's path
Distance: 2 miles
Time: 32 minutes
Average HR: 120
Maximum HR: 142
Calories burned:315
Temperature: 63 degrees
Challenge for the day: Remembering the promise
Thoughts:
Great workout today! I'm using my Momentum HRM at the moment and I think I like it better than the Sigma. It's much more accurate at tracking calories and it doesn't lose data unless it is removed from the chest strap. I think this is the one I will take to Alaska.
No comments:
Post a Comment