So I started reading my book last night. The first chapter hammers home the point "Diets don't work! Diets don't work." But they do work - while we're on them. It's hard to get into the book when I don't agree with the basic premise. There is a lot of good information about why we do what we do regarding food, but every time I see the line "diets don't work" I rebel. Maybe as I get further into the book, I may feel differently. The truth is that "diet" is defined as a way of eating. A diet is meant to keep us alive through sustenance. So, in that sense they do work. And restricting food also works. It works until we quit doing it. I wish that the authors would spend more time on what drives us to eat over and above what we need to sustain life.
One thing the book has done is make me think back to when I began to use food as something other than a means to fuel my body. When I was a child, my mother was very sick. My father didn't understand exactly what was going on and there were a lot of fights and talk of divorce. I'm pretty sure that I used food back then to tune out. In my child's mind, I laid the blame on myself. I couldn't control what was going on around me so I controlled what went into my mouth. It was how I learned to cope with life. Food was my comfort. That never changed. I have no frame of reference as to how to comfort myself any other way. This is what I need to explore.
When I watch Biggest Loser, I am happy for the people who lose the weight, but I wonder what happens later. How many of them go back to using and abusing food? I like the fact that Jillian at least touches on this with the contestants.
But how does one turn off the switch? I remember when I was a smoker, I just couldn't imagine myself going through life without that crutch. I used smoking to control my eating. When I no longer had that crutch, food again became my primary way of coping with life. That, and procrastinating. "Tomorrow, tomorrow, I love ya tomorrow - you're always a day away." Yep, always a day away. It is so easy to focus on what I will do tomorrow, meanwhile, today is slipping through my fingers. And you don't get them back. How do I turn that around. How do I stay in today? That's what I need to learn. That's what I am hoping this book will show me.
I found myself actively panicking while reading the first chapter. I don't want to give up dieting.
What I need to do is find a food plan I can stick with. Obviously, nothing I have tried has done the job. I feel best on lowcarb, but I don't stay with it. I know that this is what the authors mean when they say that diets don't work, but I am afraid to stop. It's like a rat on a wheel in a cage.
I'm very confused and I need to sort this out. In the meantime, I weighed in today at my highest all time weight.
And still I have hope. Where does that come from? Well, I know where it comes from, but why isn't it enough to keep me doing what I need to do?
I don't need a kick in the butt, I need some answers.