Today started out great! Melisa was subbing today and asked if I could watch Claire and then get Clay off the bus after school. I told her I was going out for a run but would be back by 7:30. My running route goes past their house. She said "if you're doing your cooldown on the way back, Claire could run with you. I'll have her ready." Claire is 3. Their house is 1/4 from ours. I stopped for her on the way home and we ran the last 1/4 mile together. She showed me some very interesting cool down stretches which mostly involved wiggling her butt. It was a hoot. She ran the whole way. She was quite thrilled that Cousin Cale saw her out running. She is definitely her Mommy's daughter.
I was watching Hoarders last night and one of the women said something quite interesting. When the counselor came into the filthy house, the woman said, "you are looking at my pain." That struck me as very profound. I wonder if that is why we overweight people feel so self-conscious and vulnerable. Our addiction (our pain) is on display for all to see. You can shut the door on a messy house, you can shower off the smell of cigarette smoke, but overweight is there 24 hours a day. People can see that there is something not quite right with our world. Not that other addictions aren't as painful or self-destructive because they most certainly are, but for some reason people still don't mind having fun at a fat person's expense.
Today's reading from 100 Days of Weight loss is titled, "I love to eat!" Today Ms Spangle asks us to think about what it is we love about eating. Is it the taste, texture, how we feel? Why are we eating? If it isn't for hunger or appreciation of taste, then there is a problem. I know that I eat for the same reasons I used to smoke. I was a lot thinner when I smoked because I did that instead of eating. Whatever satisfaction smoking gave me - and I've never been able to pinpoint it - I replaced with food. I know that when I eat, I forget about problems for a while. But when they resurface (because I never dealt with them) they are bigger.
Today Dr. Beck talks about overcoming challenges and resisting food pushers. I like to think about challenges as "Biggest Loser" moments. I imagine there is a camera on me and that at the end of the challenge I am going to have to face Bob or Jillian - or this blog. Food pushers are not as much of a challenge for me anymore. All I have to say is that I'm diabetic and they leave me alone.