The scale continues to move in the right direction and I am feeling really good. I don't know if I mentioned this. I probably did and forgot. I am participating in 2 weight loss challenges. One of them is Biggest Loser Blog Edition and I am on Team Angie. The first 3 weeks I managed to gain. I felt like such a failure. Then I got the "pre-diabetes" news from the doctor and that turned things around. I got back on track, but in the meantime I had gained about 7 or 8 pounds so the last 2 weigh-ins showed a loss, but I still had a net gain. I am pretty confident that next week I will show a net loss. I no longer feel like a fraud because I AM DOING IT!
I am currently reading a book called "Confessions of a Carb Queen." It's written by a woman who was addicted to food. It's a bit of a departure from what I usually read - The Elm Creek Quilt series, and it is a little more explicit on other things than I am confortable with so I won't be recommending it to family members. But it does give a lot of insight into the mind of someone who is addicted to food. As I'm reading it and she describes her binges I want to shout, "so stop already." But even as I'm thinking that, I see myself. I never consumed the quantities that she did although I'm sure in time I could have gotten there. Before the "diagnosis" I felt totally out of control. I was good for most of the day, but evenings did me in. Listen to me. I'm talking as if I am cured. I'm not. I am one bite of sugar away from going back my old habits. But I feel different this time. I feel like I did when I quit smoking. It was hard at first but I am pretty sure that I would never go back to it. But I won't test it by taking even one puff.
The thing is that there is a distinct line between smoking and not smoking. When a smoker decides to quit, it's done. You don't pick up another cigarette - period. But with food, the line is more blurry. So there needs to be a clear definition of those foods I will eat, and those foods I won't. And I don't need to apologize for not eating something. (Not that I ever should have had to.) But if you tell someone you aren't eating that beautiful cake they made just for you because you are trying to lose weight - well, they oftentimes will move heaven and earth to make sure you have just one bite. But tell them you are diabetic - they back right off. Why, that's a matter of life and death! For some people, so is losing weight, but there you are. They might be offended if you put your looks ahead of their beautiful cake, but they don't seem to mind if THE DOCTOR has said "no cake." Go figure. I think most people mean well and are really trying to be nice. They just don't get it.